Every day, five times a day, there is a scene.
Callum decides he is hungry, goes over to his high chair, and signals starvation with a “YUMMMM!”
I start to prepare his snack/meal as quickly as I can, if I haven’t had the chance to do so already. Instantly he melts down, into full-throttle tantrum mode, until he takes the first bite of his food. Then he smiles and eats merrily.
When this whole routine started becoming the norm (it has been going on for over a year now: that’s 365+ days multiplied by five meals a day…no wonder I drink) I assumed that soon he would learn. Callum would learn that the food will come, and there is no forced hunger strike or famine in his imminent future. Once he figured this out, he would begin to entertain himself quietly and patiently for those agonizing 90 seconds between Establishing Hunger and Eating Food.
Maybe my kid is just a bit slow, but guess what? He has not learned. And further to that? I don’t think he will any time soon.
My friend was telling me about a recent interaction between her 2-year-old and her mother-in-law, who reprimanded her son for his messing eating. “Naughty!” she told him, and turning knowingly to my perturbed friend, said confidently, “He’ll learn.”
Sure he will. But not today. And probably not tomorrow either. So scolding a two-year-old for poor table manners is like punishing a first-grader who can’t nail long division.
I’m starting to think that there are a lot of things that kids don’t in fact learn from your loving guidance. Sure, it doesn’t hurt to encourage the kind of behavior you want to see, but the fact is that despite your efforts, whatever unpleasant phase they’re going through will eventually just end and everybody will move on. So until your little warrior is ready, why force the issue? It just means frustration for the advocate and opposition from the adversary.
I hate to advocate an “I give up” mantra, but consider the following:
- Your Food Will Come Eventually. And May I Introduce You To Fork, Knife, and Spoon. We’ve covered that one.
- When Mommy Goes, She Will Come Back. Honest. When I leave, I have to sneak out of the house, creeping backwards, and put my shoes and coat on outside. “Bye Bye!” uttered from my lips is akin to saying “Mommy is giving you up for adoption! To Kate Gosselin! And by the way, THE HOT WHEELS ARE COMING WITH ME!”
- Biting is Socially Unacceptable. I’ve written before about my biting battles. My child was a biter. Yes, he has stopped. And no, it was nothing that I did. My theory is that once he had sampled every possible texture between his teeth, from fossilized dog turds to human flesh, he got bored with the whole thing.
- Sleeping is a Wonderful Thing. Not all kids are sleep-trainable, no matter what they say. I’ve talked to lots of desperate parents whose kids didn’t go for it. Perhaps those who respond successfully are just ready (and exhausted). I would write about this more but I am just too tired. Next.
- It’s Okay If Other Children Touch Your Toys. We “host” play groups at the playground, and will continue to do so until this phase passes. We’ve tried baby steps (invite one child at a time, bring your toys to someone else’s house) but these attempts have only ended in hysterical fits (him) and the inevitable armpit sweat stains (me) that come from from managing any public tantrum.
Someday, Callum will look at me, dabble the corners of his mouth with a napkin, and say, “Hey Mom, you really need a night off. Why don’t you go see a movie? Don’t worry, I can put myself to bed tonight!”
Until then, I won’t be holding my breath.
Oh, can someone remind me that I wrote this when I wean? And potty train? Seriously.
